The most basic difference between
S/M and abuse is Consent.
It is not consent if…
•You did not expressly give consent.
•You are afraid to say no.
•You say yes to avoid conflict.
•You say yes to avoid consequences (i.e. losing a job, losing your home, being outed).
•Done with respect for limits.
•Enjoyed by all partners.
•Fun, erotic, and loving.
•Done with an understanding of trust.
•Never done with the intent to harm or damage.
Just because you consent to play does not mean you consent to everything. You have the right to set limits.